In case you are wondering what’s that Countdown to the Big Day widget that I placed there at the bottom right part of this site, well, basically I am counting the days ’til I turn XL years old (I hope you know your Roman Numerals…)
Why I am doing the countdown… I really don’t know! If you read a previous post (Life begins at —) then you would know how paranoid I am about getting old(er). But then, since it’s inevitable — unless I want to die young, which I have NO intention of doing — then I decided that I might as well embrace the fact that I am about to get another year older, and I am entering a new decade age-wise.
The days just go by so very fast. Can’t believe that in a few months time, it will be December once again. I have been hearing Christmas songs being played in the mall. Soon it will be my birthday… then Christmas… then we’ll be welcoming the new year. Where has 2012 gone?
The other day I asked myself, if there was no baseball to keep me busy, what would I be doing? What is it that I would want to spend my time on? Something that will make me grow as a person… as an individual?
Much as I have grown to love baseball, baseball is not about me. It’s about my son — and maybe my husband even. But not me. I am only there as a mother, a cheerleader and an avid supporter. In the movie of our baseball life, I play but a supporting role. Basically, it’s not MY movie.
A lot of times I have kept myself so busy playing hero-support that I lose track of the things I want to accomplish for myself, by myself. I forget to give myself the chance to play heroine in my own movie.
But then again, what do I want to do?
Offhand, these are the things I can think of:
1) Write more. Not just blog more, but contribute regularly to various magazines. Though I have lost touch with my editors from before — most of them have switched jobs, anyway — I am probably pestering other editors to assign topics for me to write about if I were still in the loop.
2) Charity work. For the past five or so years, I have been sponsoring a small community up north. I send children’s books and school supplies to their daycare center before the schoolyear starts, Christmas gifts and grocery items in December, and sometimes financial help during the in-between months. But I feel there’s so much more I can do for them. Maybe I should start with visiting them so we can all meet each other in person. Maybe I should step out of my comfort zone and BE with people, share my time and presence with them.
3) Travel. Travel to see new places… to shop… to relax. My last several trips were all baseball related. I miss going places without all the baseball-tournament-related-stress. I want to go back to France and maybe go to Italy, as well. I have always, always wanted to ride a gondola in Venice…
4) Fix the guest room. Fix my files. Fix my bookshelves. Discard the things I don’t need. We’ve been in our house for only two and a half years, but my guest room already looks like a storage room, my files/papers/bills are everywhere but in the filing cabinet and my bookshelves are in a total state of chaos. I know I need to MAKE time to fix all those. I have to start somewhere. The spirit is willing… but the patience isn’t quite there…
5) REALLY make an effort to lose that 5lbs I have so wanted to get rid of. Wishing for it to go away won’t work. I know because I have wished hard enough… and long enough. Didn’t work.
6) Still look XXX when I turn XL. Okay, so this is so lame! Indulge me. A girl can dream.
7) Make a difference in someone’s life. I don’t know who nor do I know how. If you ask why, the answer is, “Just because.”
Perhaps I should keep in mind all the things I mentioned above as I do my countdown. Rather than just waiting for the “big day” with me being no different from how I was when the countdown began, maybe I should at least attempt to work on ticking off something from that list. There are only 7 items written anyway, so how difficult is that?
It will be very difficult if I won’t move my butt and step out of my comfort zone. Yet it will also be very fulfilling if for the next three months I will make a conscious effort to at least do something for myself.
Challenge accepted. Wish me luck!
photos via google images. photo of gondola taken in Venice, Italy, borrowed from an old friend’s album…